Time Gets Away From Us

My life has become a cascading series of changes as of late. Some people who read this, very few, know what I am talking about more directly, but as a general rule I try not to divulge a ton about my personal life in these spaces. I’ve become less and less comfortable maintaining an online presence for a variety of reasons. The trajectory of online discourse, how people present themselves, and a quickly shifting paradigm in how content is created in general has left me feeling deeply disenchanted. I have very little hope that the entire web will become pervasively more synthetic and AI driven, and that as time goes on it will become increasingly improbable to find anything real. And since so many are intent on outright celebrating this rather than picking up a torch and rallying against it, I fail to see how any meaningful resistance to this is possible at this current point in time.

I’ve spent since probably around 2006 talking about entertainment in some form or another. I have done so at the cost of developing meaningful skills. I’ve curated a life as a gamer, having been passionate about it, and quite strongly, but the nature of that relationship has changed from being a more passive, consumerist engagement to one where the interest is focused on how the sausage is made. And for whatever inexplicable reason, this has extended into other things outside of gaming, right as I have reached my proverbial half-life of 40. And what this represents is a new calling - something massive, intimidating, exciting, far beyond my current capability and which will require years of time to explore and become adept at, if I can at all. And though my work here was hardly complete, I think I have provided all that I can without it becoming repetitive, without pushing to become just another “personality” online seeking sycophants, another person saying the same things in a different way.

This too, I’m hesitant to talk too much about. I really just want to shrink and disappear from this space as I spend the time necessary to rebuild the crumbling bedrock of my life. There is obviously more going on than what I can talk about here, but I am a troubled individual, and I have had to look in the mirror and see myself. I have wonderful people in my corner helping me, but this too will take time. And as I do this healing work, I want to approach it with new goals in mind. I had a good first forty years as a “gamer”. But I want to see now what else is on offer, and as such, it’s time to put the toys away for awhile.

I want to apologize for not living up to so many promises I have made. And to assure you it would have never been possible anyways - not as the person I currently am. My life has been punctuated by little failures spliced in among the successes, and they have held me back from achieving so much I have shot for. I simply left too many things unaddressed for too long, and the debt that has accumulated as a result must now be paid should I be able to move beyond. And I thank everyone for the support and readership the last year.

All I hope is that you were able to take something from this, and that something I said inspired you to be more creative, more adventurous, and to have more fun.

And all I ask in return is that you can respect my decision to hang my hat up, premature though it may be, and let me slip gracefully into the night.

Yours, truly -

The Compleat DM